I’m about T-minus 4 hours from a weekend without fast food, neon lights, women…civilization in general. That’s right, a camping trip! But not just any old camping trip, a "NOMAM" camping trip. All of the men folk the are leaving their women for a weekend of alcohol and testosterone. This should be easy enough for me, considering I don’t have a woman to leave at the moment. * sigh *

Well, I’m bringing along my trusty digital camera to capture the fun stuff, and to annoy my friends in general. I’m sure there will be a few stories and/or pictures to share when I get back.

Just a quick little note. I am coming closer to choosing a design scheme, as this page now CLEARLY shows, but I’m also running out of time to meet my self-imposed deadline of August 1st. It won’t be the first time I’ve missed a deadline, but I want to make it my last. The new deadline will be August 15th. You have my permission to bitch and moan about the state of the site now. ^_^

I thought that everything from Saturday would have been forgotten by now. I guess I don’t know myself as well as I thought.

Everything is still very cloudy, and unless I get another phone call, (which I highly doubt,) then it will never clear up. After way too much thought on the subject, I can only come up with two really plausible reasons why this happened, and I’m not fond of either of them. It could be that this was a legit call, and in my one chance, I took down the wrong number, which just so happened to be for Domino’s Pizza in Eatontown. I’d much rather believe this happened, but I’m still going to be kicking myself for a while on this.

The only other possible answer is that it’s a cruel practical joke by my friends, and I WILL NOT believe that. I’ve already been down that path once before, but this would be worst. How can I even think this way, you ask? Well, there were enough details about the night in question given that only someone there would have known…and I did go with a group of my friends. At least I knew the other time who stabbed me in the back, but I can guarantee that won’t happen this time.

So, what is there left to do? Nothing, except to torture myself over it a few more days, and then forget about it. I should have known something was up, because it seemed too perfect a setup. But that’s me, just a nice guy, always looking to have the wool pulled over his eyes.

And yes, I realize I pretty much repeated myself from the last entry…deal with it! I needed to get it out of my system.

Well, once again, I’ve been made to look to fool. One practical joke involving my love life has brought me down. Unfortunately, I didn’t think it would. I thought I was ready for this if, god forbid, it ever happened again. Boy, was I ever wrong. Even after a six pack plus of Rolling Rock and quite a few rounds of asshole, I still can’t shake the thought that I just got the number wrong, and it wasn’t a joke.

Yeah, sure. If I still believe that tomorrow, would someone come beat some sense into me please?

Just one thing bothers me, thought…who the hell made those calls? There was just enough truth in some of the things she said to make me believe some of it…y’know, just like a psychic — generalizations. But I’m sure I’ll get over it with a little sleep. But for the rest of my life, there will be that little lingering "what if" and "who was it" up in my head. Oh well.

On the brighter side, though, I got to hear my own voice on the radio tonight using the word "expodite". So I guess that makes up for everything….

I have found myself studying total strangers today in search of guidance. I have also found myself studying those very close to me in search of compassion. Will I find either? I’m not truly sure it matters anymore. Maybe it’s just the hunt that I’m after. For all of these years, I’ve been searching for the end, hoping that it would fulfill me. Now I’m faced with the truth that if I ever do reach that end, I will have crushed any chance of ever being happy again.

But I sure do hope there is someone waiting for me at the end to give me a pat on the back and a few kinds words of encouragement — I like those kinds of things.