I don’t know what to say. This weekend will never be forgotten, but for all the wrong reasons.
As you may or may not know, my mother has been battling breast cancer which has spread to her liver for over two years. This form of the disease is inoperable and incurable. On Friday afternoon, my mother told me that the doctors have now given her a timeframe of how much longer she has to live.
Why must my family suffer like this. My sister is going to be parentless. I guess losing her father to suicide just wasn’t enough. Thanks god. I’m seriously considering atheism now, because he sure hasn’t been listening to my prayers.
Everything else seems trivial against that news, but this weekend, I also managed to embarrass myself. I dragged my friends out to the Bamboo club in Seaside Heights that night to enjoy some time with them, and to help me forget about that afternoon.
I also knew that a former co-worker of mine, Val, was going to be there. I wanted to talk to her too. Hell, I’ll admit it. I have a crush on her. We always seemed to get along fine at Borden’s. In fact, she was the reason I liked it there so much. But she was attached all that time. I could live with that.
But now she had to go and get single on me. Now I seem to be obsessing over her. And it all came out in the early hours of Saturday morning.
I spent most of my night following her around, like some sad puppy dog who was being ignored. Out of the two hours we were there, I spent maybe a half hour with my friends. And all this in an attempt to just get 3 minutes alone with Val on the dance floor. Somehow in my drunken, delusional mind, I thought that might start to change the way she feels about me. Maybe more than a friend.
HA!
I have a lot to think about now. And I don’t want to think about any of it. The future for me is very uncertain. Just a month ago, everything looked like I just might be able to find a little stability. And now someone has gone and shuffled the deck on me. Once again, the future is uncertain.
And it’s scaring the shit out of me….
Tags: -Not Sorted-