Happy Halloween. Boo!

In a conversation with my dad last night, the question was raised: Why do I write about my whole life on this web site? Why indeed. Conventional wisdom would seem to dictate that living a good portion of my life like some kind of demented exhibitionist isn’t healthy. Then again, one thing I’ve come to realize is that I’m anything but conventional.

I started doing this for the simple fact that only subject I used to feel wholly qualified to write about was myself. At least that’s the reason I used to give. Now I’m not so sure that was the case.

To put it bluntly, I used to truly despise who I was. There had been brief moments when I was tempted to just vanish from the face of the earth and reappear on some other shore as someone else. I was that upset with myself. To read the things I used to write about, how much I used to belittle myself in my own special code, I never realized just how low my self esteem used to be. Case in point: This little ray of darkness. When I started all of this, I was still trying to get a handle on who I was, and letting others share the journey seemed to help me with my search.

The added bonus was (and still is) that anyone who gives a damn about how I’m doing in my life can just come hear and read about it. I’m not the one usually making the effort to reach out an touch — I take a more passive roll in most of my dealings with people. No contact whatsoever has been replaced with semi-daily updates into my livelihood. Some might feel it’s a cop-out, but I say it’s better than nothing.

The only proper way to end this is to go back to where it all started and turn the world on it’s head:

I am not a fake.
I am not a thief.
I am not insignificant.
I am me, and this man has made a liar out of the boy you all knew some two years ago.

Peabody might be a bit pissed that they stole the name, but The Internet Archive Wayback Machine is great. Search for any site and peel back the layers of 1′ and 0′s to see what it used looked like. The archive goes back to 1996.

Of course I tried this on my own site, and it came back with quite a few results, but then again I’ve been keeping my own site history. ^_^

Last night was fun. Friends, costumes, music, drinking, drinking, laughing, drinking, praying to the porcelean god…then I don’t remember so much. I’m told it was fun. ^_^

Apple has just unveiled their new iPod MP3 player, which can hold 1,000 songs (5 GB hard drive inside) and transfer a whole CD in 10 seconds. Drool….