If there is one thing I have learned over the past few months, it’s to never underestimate the necessity of mental stimulation. For most of September and part of October I more or less was sitting in my room and twiddling my thumbs for hours on end as work at my full time contract gig dried up to nothing. The first day or so of the drought were almost like a mid-week weekend, but as days turned into weeks and so on I started to notice a slide down a slippery slope that was scaring the hell out of me.
To be honest I was probably on the verge of clinical depression quite a few times during that period. A heavy weight is nothingness, and the prospect of a new day with nothing to look forward to drove me to sleep away far to much of it with the waking hours spent looking forward to either mealtime or more sleep. The few times I could gather with friends or treat myself to a night out at the movies were about the only things keeping me sane.
Fast forward to the here and now and things has started jumping once agian, although for how long I don’t know. I have a handful of short term projects that are pulling my skills in new and stimulating directions and in the meantime my search for either more freelance work or a long term position continues. My personal mental health will jump by a level of magnitude once I start to knock back these projects and start collecting my fees, helping to stop the slow bleeding of my meager savings to pay for household bills and food — luxuries I know, but ya gotta splurge every now and again.
If I had planned better in the good times perhaps I wouldn’t be fretting about my situation so much, but alas hindsight is always 20/20. So instead I write this as a reminder to myself in future swings of good fortune that it’s never as good as you think it is. I also write this so in my darkest moments I’m reminded that it’s never as dark as it seems. If anyone else cares to heed my words in the same way, then all the better.
I’m alive and kicking, and right now that’s good enough for me.
Tags: Personal