So how do you measure the emotional well being of someone? My yard stick has always been how well they interact at a party. Funny sounding, but if there is any kind of pent up tension or grief it tends to show when you’re in a celebratory environment. I had the grandest of stages in which to prove my hypothesis at my cousin Sharon’s place during her annual St. Patrick’s day party — and on multiple subjects no less.
This year’s soiree had the dubious honor of being the first family gathering since my Grandmother’s passing. The viewings and the funeral were very therapeutic in my eyes, but then again my ties to Gram could be nowhere as deep as some of the other members of my mom’s family, if for no other reason than the fact of time — I’m the second youngest of her grandchildren and some of my cousins have at least 20 years on me.
When I walked in I had little idea of what kind of mood to expect from the partygoers, but I was pleasantly surprised to find the status quo in attendance. There were some discussions here and there that I overheard, but almost always it involved regaling of pleasant memories, which I couldn’t have been happier to hear.
In fact, my cousin John and I managed to get a little family sing-a-long going — he playing on guitar, myself keeping rhythm on some borrowed bongos. At one point we went totally ad-lib and I crooned this completely nonsensical song that went about three verses longer than I could come up with lyrics for. Hey, I’d like to see you do better pulling words from thin air! ^_^
Of course this party also seemed to be the catalyst for a bit of family drama that really should never have started in the first place, but that didn’t evolve until days afterwards, all revolving around headstones and the plans therefor. I thought I had been the contact on all of this but somehow it got around me and effected my sister, who’s just a bit more sensitive on the subject.
This has put in the role of mediator when none should have been necessary. I point no fingers because none need pointing and in the past few days things seemed to have settled down some. That’s neither here no there though — family by it’s very definition includes little moments like this, and I’m sure that everything is on the way to being up and up by now; if not well on its way to becoming that way.
Damn, I’m starting to find it harder to write out all that’s in my head up here these days. The more people who read my words, the more likely someone could take them the wrong way. Damn, self censorship sucks. Then again, driving wedges when you don’t mean to sucks worse.
Don’t mind me — just airing out my unkept thoughts.
Tags: Personal
Having an audience certainly takes away some of the potential for catharsis that a good tell-all journal entry affords… alas! Pissing off said audience is a much nastier risk indeed.