I’m an empty vessle. I’ve spilled out all the words I have inside me. I did a ton of writing last night, made a few phone calls and poured myself dry. I searched the depths of myself and then tried in vain to shut my tired eyes and sleep in peace. But sleep didn’t come, and now the dawn stares me in the face once more. The light blue sky through the slats of my half-opened blinds — a scene I’ve seen a lot of lately, but usually for all the wrong reasons.

I was confident at this time yesterday, and that still hasn’t changed. I have to be if I’m to be successful. But now in the light of my 24 hours of introspection, I find that part of me is praying for the first time in a long time. I mean seriously praying. To who or what I can’t say. Maybe I’m just praying to the idea itself. But what I do know is that this is all because of the fragile uncertainty I find myself facing. I’ve been forced to face faith in the last few months, and you can’t stare at something that long and not have something etched into you.

All I know is that I have fear surrounding me, but that is tempered by massive amounts of hope. The landscape is changing for better or worse, that is certain. And if there is something out there — a true and just creator, a system of universal karma, whatever — then I am asking it to help the chips fall in my favor this afternoon.

Tags: Personal

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