I’m becoming detached from the world again, or at least it feels that way. I’m up an active, socializing and what not, but somewhere in the back of my head it’s just not registering the way it should. Too many questions have started to surface, wether they’re about my living situations, my relationships with others, or just some innate little idiosyncratic flaw that I’ve decided to obsess endlessly over.
I have a tendency to go through this flaky phase every now and again, and why I can never say. It’s just so much easier to not get out of bed in the morning that it is to face the world some days. When it gets to be more of a lifestyle thing than a once in a while personal indulgence, that’s when I start to worry. Of course, in the past I’ve just subjugated the emotional baggage, until I start spilling my guts here, which has helped in the past.
I’m sure the sudden jump in the obituary column of some of my former classmates from High School. Found out about Sarah Cooke’s passing at reunion. Then the names Brian Guide, Bill Eldridge, and Faith Bologna pop-up in rapid succession in my inbox at having shed the mortal coil. Names that have ties to faces in my head. Faces ties to memories — good, bad, and indifferent, but there never the less. On some level I suppose it’s been freaking me out more than I care to admit. Facing mortality is never an easy thing, even if you’ve already faced.
Maybe it’s time I stepped up another level and see what kind of head-shrinking my health insurance covers. There was a time after my stepfather died that I went to counseling, but life threw quite a few nasty things at me in the many years between age 13 and age 28. I’ve done well with them, but all you need is one little instability in your head to make you doubt the whole of your self worth, your choices in life, and your desire to better yourself. I’ve seen the sessions do wonders for others I know, and I need to at least feel I’ve done all I could to fix what I felt was broken.
Hell, maybe someday I’ll be well enough to start delving into the topic of my hopeless crushes….
While my work for Lime Group thus far has resulted in a few new faces for some of the other parts of the company, the team at Lime Wire has waited patiently for their turn. As of this afternoon they received their first return on that patience.