Posts Tagged ‘Humor’

“If I Were A Bee…”

Tuesday, May 6th, 2008

As Ze Frank pointed out, “Isabella Rossellini is a genius”.  I dare you to go watch some of these Green Porno shorts and not laugh, wince, and learn something.

Draft Drawer Meme

Tuesday, May 6th, 2008

As part of my attempt to finish the collection of half-started posts lingering in my drafts drawer, I offer onto you some meme goodness I collected over at good friend Betsy’s blog.  Mmmmm…half-month old twisted and demented meme….

1. Have you ever killed a man?  Not literally, but I’m pretty certain I’ve bored someone to death before.

2. With your own hands?  Um, yeah. Sure.  Why not.

3. What, in your opinion, is the best way to transport contraband across state and country lines?  Very carefully, of course.

4. Even if you’re transporting explosives?  Yes — even more so.

5. Really?  WHy are you so interested in knowing what I think is the best way to transport contraband?  What, you have a large meth shipment you’re trying to get across state lines or something?

6. Have you ever stolen a library book?  Yes, actually.

7. On purpose, or only because you found it under your bed years after you reported it lost and paid the fine?  No, on purpose.  Of course, I’m pretty sure I was too young to realie what I was doing when I walked out with some Richard Scary book in my backpack…or am I just making this all up?

8. Where were you on November 1, 2007?  Sitting at home, watching TV and blogging.

9. Can you prove it?  Yes.  I.  Can.

10. You had to think about that, didn’t you?  No, calendars and archives are great tools for helping me remember things.

11. How much is it worth to you for me to pretend I didn’t notice?  Pretend you didn’t notice what, exactly?  Such an odd question….

12. Have you spent years building up an immunity to iocane powder? (And if you know a faster method, will you share it?)  Indeed I have, though knowledge of this method will cost you dearly….

13. Name three different ways to start a fire.  Matches, lighter, and an oxyacetylene torch.

14. Now try to convince me you only know that because you were a Girl/Boy Scout/Guide once.  Well, it would be kind of hard to talk my way around the master welder badge I earned back in ‘Nam.

15. How many digits of pi can you recite from memory?  Four if you count the decimal.

16. Did you have to count out the digits on your fingers to answer that?  How dare you bring fingers into this!!!

17. Did you check online to make sure you remembered right before answering?  No!  I don’t like all these math questions!  Can we change the subject, please?!?

18. Does all this talk about numbers make you uncomfortable?  Yes, alright!  I was once abused by a gang of prime numbers back in high school.  So many bad memories….

19. Or are you just wondering what it has to do with the rest of the meme?  No, but I am starting to wonder if taking the time out of my schedule to do this was worth the effort (not to mention the emotional scaring).

20. Seriously, where did you bury the body?  Keep asking me questions and I just might show you where (hint, hint, thinly veiled threat!).

21. Where were you on March 16, 2036?  Probably out at a bar, commemorating the 19th anniversary of Manhattan being sunk out at sea and my miraculous survival of that national tragedy.

22. If all your friends jumped off a bridge, would you jump, too?  Depends.  They could be jumping into a river of money, or just to their deaths.  I’d have to know the mitigating circumstances first.

23. What is the ninja replacement score for your life?  I actually am quite good on the supply of ninjas in my life, so long as we count web comics.

Facebook In Reality

Monday, May 5th, 2008

While I may be a Facebook user, and its an order of magnitude better designs than MySpace, it has grown to annoy me in its own special ways.  This video by Idiots of Ants does a good job of poking fun at some of my own personal gripes much better than I could.

Kung-fu Theater of the Absurd

Monday, October 15th, 2007

Pure and simple, this is probably the only time when it’s going to be socially acceptable to laugh at child abuse (faked, of course).